Today’s guest post on the importance of adult friendships comes from Tami Zak, a licensed therapist at Grow Therapy. Tami wrote the post in honor of Friendship Month in February. February also happened to be the anniversary of my father-in-law’s passing, and three days ago, I marked six months without my dad. I’m honored to be able to share her post now.
Why Adult Friendships Are Important
Extensive research on loneliness and social isolation has shown that a lack of social connections has a significant impact on health outcomes. A 2018 AARP study found that 1-3 American adults are lonely. Studies confirm that loneliness can be hazardous to your health, equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
By contrast, not even having a long-term romantic relationship and strong family ties is as important as having close friends to help people live longer, healthier, and more fulfilled lives. People are naturally social, and we are at our best when connected with friends and community.
Forming deep friendships is vital to longevity and feeling a greater sense of purpose, life satisfaction, and well-being. Another study, which examined numerous studies, including 300,000 people worldwide, revealed that people who have strong social connections are 50% less likely to die prematurely than people with weak social relationships.
The Types of Connections We Make
Friendships can range from the more superficial, like our social media Facebook/Instagram friends, whom we connect with via posts, updates, and pictures, to our heart friends, where we share deep personal connection, intimacy, and vulnerability.
Deep adult friendships do not require day-to-day contact. Years can pass. You can change and grow in different directions, but when you speak again, the connection has endured. Deep friendships may not last a lifetime. I believe some friends are only in your life for a short time, but in that time, they help you feel deeply understood, valued, and known.
For whatever slice (small or large) of life your paths have converged, there is someone to whom you can reveal yourself fully and know that you will be met with curiosity, care, and abiding affection. Having this experience with just one person or several people in your lifetime is to receive special and unique nourishment.
How to Maintain Adult Friendships:
It takes work to maintain friendships. You need to be intentional and make time for friends, and, just like a marriage, you have to be committed to working through challenging periods. Friendships are worth it and rewarding. Friends support one another through good times and bad, which makes them special. If you are willing to invest time and energy in friendships, the results will be positively life-changing.
Where to Find Friends as an Adult:
Since many of our first friendships came from school and college, it can be daunting to face challenges with friendship as an adult suddenly. We want friendship to be easy and carefree, like when we were in school, but life can bring changes, and people change, too. That’s where effort and intentionality make the difference, especially when the busyness of life kicks in—partners, family, children, work, chores, errands, etc.
It’s easier than you think to find adult friendships. Find activities and organizations that interest you, and you will meet people with common interests. Proximity is also key. Identify activities and organizations that you can commit to and show up regularly. You’ll make friends and make a difference, too. Finally, opening up about yourself and your life can be the foundation for a lifelong bond when it feels right. When we are vulnerable, we pull people towards us. If all else fails, try apps like Bumble BFF and a host of others you can find using a simple Google search to find others in your town/city looking for friends.
Editor’s Note About Healthy Friendships
While healthy adult friendships add years and enjoyment to our lives, toxic friendships can cause stress. It’s essential when you’re evaluating your friendships to know who you can trust to be a “compassionate witness” to your life. Andrea Owen, in her book, How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back from Happiness, (affiliate link) discusses the dangers of isolating ourselves from others – not just physically, but emotionally.
Pay attention to how you feel around someone. Do you feel uncomfortable or like you can say what you mean? Are you walking on eggshells? Does the individual have and respect boundaries? When you have a win, is that individual there for you as passionately as when you’re struggling? These are all qualities to look for in a good friend.
